A Shard of Parenting Brilliance, From Me to You

So, it happened again.

The post-partum dog hates hit me like a ton of bricks.

I could not handle our four-legged friends and their incessant barking, shedding, poopy, snoring nonsense.

Something had to happen. Someone HAD to go.

So, she’s gone. Miley is gonzo. And she’s not coming back.

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I know what you’re thinking...

How could you?! That's terrible! You're despicable! BOOOOOO

I mean, I don’t feel great about it.

And when we made the call and sent Miley to a better place, the one thought going through my mind was “What are we going to tell TJ?...How are we going to tell our 2-year-old we did away with the dog?”

The answer turned out to be pretty simple, actually. When you ask TJ where Miley went, he will tell you…

"Miley went to college!"

It’s only a little lie. She actually went to my aunt’s house to keep my aunt’s family’s dog company.

Oh wait…did you think we put her down? Like, put her down-down?? Beezus, please. We are not running a kill shelter over here.

Actually, quite the opposite. From what my aunt tells me Miles is exhilaratingly, ecstatically, blissfully happy. She has a yard to run around in, and a buddy dog to play with, her pick of beds to sleep in with people to cuddle up to in them, and pretty constant activity since their house has people around a lot of the time.

Things couldn’t be better for the bitty Miley-Moo. While I do miss her, I can honestly say I do not miss her constant barking. Nor do I miss the little feces stinkbombs she would leave in the middle of the rug anytime we were gone too long.

So there’s your parenting lesson of the day, friends. Next time your family dog is driving you crazy and you depose the of body, however you choose to do it, just LIE TO YOUR CHILD about it, and tell the child the pet went to college.



You’re welcome.

And I’m probably going to hell.

Pitchforks and Arrow Tails,

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